One Very Important Decision | Robert Wayne Atkins, P.E.

One Very Important Decision
Copyright © September 1, 2023 by Robert Wayne Atkins, P.E.
All Rights Reserved.

Introduction
When we are very young our parents or our guardians usually make most of the important decisions that impact our lives, such as where we will live, which school we will attend, what we will eat, and the types of activities that we can participate in.

But sometime during our teenage years we begin to make some our own decisions, such as the type of clothing that we prefer to wear, the types of games that we prefer to play, who we will be friends with, and what we will read on a voluntary basis.

At some time between the age of about 16 up to the age of about 30 most of us will make a decision on whether or not we will marry. And if we decide to marry then we will usually select the person whom we will marry. In my opinion, this is one of the most important decisions that each of us will make because it will impact almost every aspect of our life. Unfortunately most of us do not understand what marriage will involve and many of us do not make good choices for a marriage partner. This article will take a look at some of the things that should be considered. If you have been through a divorce then the following information may be of interest to you. If you have children or grandchildren then maybe you can help them to understand what marriage is and what marriage is not.

Before you read any further you should know that my first two marriages ended in divorce. The first marriage lasted 11 years and the second marriage lasted 5 years. Both of my wives professed to be Christians and they both went to Church with me until they each decided that they wanted the freedom to do anything they desired and they did not want their marriage vows to stand in their way. Therefore they both filed for divorce and I did not contest either divorce. I made an effort to follow the advice given by Paul as follows:

1 Corinthians 7:15 (New International Version)
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

My third wife and I have been married for 30 years. However, that does not qualify me to give marriage advice. The reason is because marriage is a very complex social contract and nobody can anticipate all the potential problems that may lead to a divorce.

However, a person can identify some of the things that cause marriages to fail, and to identify some of the things that help marriages to succeed.

That is the reason I wrote this article. This article contains the information that I have given to my children and grandchildren about how to select a spouse and how to have a reasonably good chance of having a happy marriage.

Discussion
:Proposal

The choice of your lifetime spouse is one of the most important decisions you will make during your entire life.

Following are some things that you may wish to consider if you are looking for a prospective future spouse.

In addition to an emotional attraction (love), choose a spouse based on the person's appearance, manners, intelligence, integrity, kindness, physical health, emotional control, work history, thriftiness, and Christian faith. Some of these characteristics are genetic and they will be inherited by your children. The best gift you can give your future children is the highest quality genes.
Select a spouse of the same race and national origin as yourself. (Note: Approximately 92% of interracial marriages end in divorce. The children of an interracial marriage are not accepted by the race of the father or by the race of the mother. The children of an interracial marriage are discriminated against in the neighborhoods where they live and they are discriminated against in the schools they attend. Do you want your children to be discriminated against from the day they are born until the day they die?)
The female should be the same age or up to ten years younger than the male, but not older.
If you do not yet have any children, then choose a future spouse who does not already have children. However, if you already have children then it is okay to marry someone who also has children if all of the children can coexist together in a peaceful manner.
Individuals who have been "spoiled" (who have been given almost everything they ever asked for) rarely make good spouses. A spoiled individual believes that other people exist to make them happy.
Individuals with "hard luck stories and excuses" do not make good spouses.
Individuals who are not able to hold a steady job for more than a few months do not make good spouses. These individuals will usually blame their bosses or their coworkers as being the reason they quit their jobs. This may be true once but if the person cannot keep a job at any organization then the problem is usually not other people. Usually the problem is the person does not want to work and the person wants someone else to support them.
Individuals with a serious criminal record or an unhealthy addiction do not make good spouses.
Discuss your dreams and future plans with your prospective spouse. You should both agree on the most important matters in life, such as which Church you will attend, the reasons for a divorce, where you will live, how many children you would like to have, how you think those children should be raised, how you will spend money, how you will save money, and how you will resolve future disagreements. However, as both of you mature and gain more experience and wisdom then both of you will gradually refine your thoughts on these topics. This is normal and it should be expected.
A good time to marry is between the ages of 18 and 25, but at least by the age of 30. However, Abraham's wife Sarah was 90 years old when she gave birth to her only child Isaac.
Legally marry your spouse. Do not be intimate or have children until after you are married.
Always be faithful to your spouse. Never be intimate with anyone except your spouse.
Do not divorce your spouse except for marital unfaithfulness, or for domestic violence, or for abandonment. It is also okay to divorce a spouse who is convicted of a crime and who will be spending a long time in prison.
Never, never go to bed mad. Always resolve any issues before going to sleep at night.
Continue to discuss your dreams and plans with your spouse and update those plans on a regular basis. Continual communication is an important part of a happy marriage.
Both of you should invest as much effort in trying to make the other person happy as you do in making yourself happy.
Never make fun of your spouse. Never, never say anything bad about your spouse's physical features (hair, nose, hands, feet, etc.), or about something they cook, or about something that they attempt to repair.
Never criticize or nag your spouse. Remember to do unto your spouse as you would have your spouse do unto you.
Do not reveal personal details about your spouse to anyone. This would be a betrayal of the trust that your spouse has in you to keep their personal information private.
Work together to provide a happy healthy home environment for your entire family.
It is okay to practice temporary birth control. But do not submit to any permanent form of birth control unless child bearing becomes life threatening. The reason God created men and women was so they would have children and then raise those children in a Godly manner.
Have as many children as you can support and love. Never consent to an abortion. Remember that children are a gift from God.
Spend some quality time with your spouse and with each one of your children every day. For example, read or tell stories to your children, or play games with your children. You could read a story from a Picture Storybook Bible to your children each morning while they eat their breakfast.
Carefully train and educate your children as they grow up. Do not trust the education of your children to other children, or to their teachers. Teach your children the things they will need to know to be honest successful happy people.
Encourage and praise your children on a regular basis. Help them to gain the confidence, knowledge, and skills they will need as they grow older.
Teach your children how to pray. Attend Church every Sunday with your entire family.
Discipline your children when necessary but do it fairly and never discipline your children when you are emotionally upset.
Periodically give your children good advice on how to select a spouse beginning when your children are very young. But do not interfere when your child begins this process as a teenager or young adult. Do not try to force a specific person on your child and do not try to keep your child from seeing the person he or she chooses. Instead you should pray and ask God to guide your child in this decision. Then accept and fully support your child in his or her final choice. Do not sabotage the marriage of your child because you do not agree with their choice of a spouse.

Conclusion
In the 21st century:
1. The divorce rate is increasing every year.
2. The number of single parent homes is increasing every year.
3. The number of people who have decided they will never marry is increasing every year.

It is my opinion that the primary reason for the above trends is that people will accept marital advice from anyone and from anywhere except from the Holy Bible.

However, the Holy Bible does say that it is okay if a person decides that he or she wants to remain single and he or she does not want to get married.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (New International Version)
1 It is good for a man not to marry.
2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

Homosexual behavior is not an option. The Holy Bible says that God Laws are supreme and that God will not honor the laws of a nation that are in direct violation of His Laws. Specifically, God does not approve of homosexual behavior, or of cross-dressing. In the Holy Bible God says from the book of Genesis to the book of Revelation that He will cast homosexuals into hell unless they repent and ask for His forgiveness.

If you are looking for a spouse then I pray that God will lead you to the right person.

May God Bless,
Grandpappy.

Grandpappy's e-mail address is: RobertWayneAtkins@hotmail.com